Salt shaker

I’ll write you a story; a good story.

I’ll throw in similes; as sweet as honey, a dark as night, as proud as a peacock and watch you become as gentle as a lamb.

I’ll paint your days dark and color your nights yellow.

I’ll write you a story, yeah, you bet I will. When you hold your phone closer to your face in the matatu, or scroll down your computer screen…you’ll know that it is about you.

Your laugh, smile…how you cross your arms above your chest, how you look at me when I am not looking at you. How you have been trying to decipher me. 

I’ll write you not one, but two stories and watch you shed your worries. Is this real? Are you for real? What are your plans?

I’ll write you a story, because I’d rather write than utter,

For I fear I might falter and stutter,

But…but…but, here’s the deal, I’ll write and you’ll read.

You’ll read and these words would sink in,

You’ll read and these words will get you thinking that maybe, just maybe I’m talking to you.

You’ll read and a part of me will be shaken, shaken like a salt shaker,ready for some seasoning.

July’s favorites

One day at a time.

It seems like the Procrastinator’s code of life but for someone who’s been through tough times, it’s all that makes sense. I should have gathered this much in counseling, but I am a planner so, waiting it out seems like indecision at times. 

The aspect of not knowing where I stand with people and events unnerves me.

I’ve often found myself working on a thing or two and this month’s all about more hours writing and listening to music. I am loving a few things this month and thought since I did a post on June’s favorites why not do the same for July,so here goes nothing;

Lipbalm, animal print purse, fanta passion,americanah
Aliyana hair products are bae!

I have a friend who smelled my hair, like she actually went for a ten second sniff saying my hair smelled like bubble fruit gum and she wanted to eat it. I will admit that having a conditioner that smells like candy is one way of starting out the day with a smile.

I am also munching more on Giant chicken samosas made at Java.

The songs on replay on my list include:

  • Mungu Pekee by Nyashinski
  • Despacito by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee
  • I will boast in Christ by Hillsong
  • Even if by Mercy Me
  • Burn by Usher

    One day a time.

    It’s all I’m saying for now. #Ushangaloading 

    Here

    “People know me here.” –A Gesture Life by Chang-Rae Lee

    The long holiday weekend is exactly what I needed. For some it was just but an extra day, but to me it was an added day to my leave days. Nothing makes me smile more than buying books and bookmarks, and my short trip to Nairobi proved to be the break I deserved.

    I won’t go on about the traffic because we need new tales about Nairobi.

    I won’t go on about the way everyone is in a rush, the fashion (shout out to the girl whom I saw spotting white and blue braids,  campus life does you a good one), the hawkers, the matatus, the music, the fast food restaurants, the street kids, the buildings, XFM, and the ambition in the people.

    I love these eccentricities. I love them because I can treat myself to something different every time I visit and mostly because Nairobi has woven it’s own culture which is different from the one we have in Kisumu.

    What I did miss was riding in a tuk tuk. Yes, I yearned for the noise the little critters make and just cruising around town in one.

    I snagged three books and I am done with two, which means I’ll have more time to continue writing the next book and travel a bit.

    So, here’s to a new week, some travel plans, great times with friends and family and to finally completing a long awaited manuscript.

    Sensation

    I stumbled upon an idea. It jolted me out of bed at three in the morning, onto the tiled floor and back into bed safe under the warm duvet. Then I remember my hand gliding across the notepad, scribbles here and there, a rush towards the feeling that denied me sleep.

    Once my heart found its pace, I sat back in bed and pulled the curtains to see what nature had in store for me at four in the morning.

    I heard cats meowing.

    I reached for the power button on the wall and switched off the lights and lay there staring at the net right above me. I wonder, am I the only one who hears mosquitoes even where they are not present? It is too cold for those creatures to disturb my sleep here and suddenly I miss Kisumu.

    I miss hearing the quarrels and chants of drunkards from Obunga. I miss hearing the sound of loud unwanted music from every corner of estate pubs- and motorcycles as they cruise through.

    I wrote a story about four women each at a turning point in their life. It felt like my awakening, something that reminded me about the power of sisterhood, and what it means to confide in a fellow woman and have them help you pull through tough situations.

    When I stepped out of bed at seven in the morning, I reached out for that notepad and all that was there was a line, a phrase that could not even build the sensation that I felt in those few hours…and that’s what writing is, sometimes all it takes is that one sensation, the feeling that this could lead somewhere.

    As light as…

    I found myself at a crossroads.

    It was some time between 7:20pm and 10:22pm yesternight when I asked myself what would I rather be…as light as a feather, or as free as a bird.

    I know nothing about similes, it’s just that when you have the phrase “as…as…” you simply want to compare two different things.

    So, give me a second or better yet give me a minute,

    So I could tell you about what I’m feeling, in this very minute.

    chicken bird animal feather black and white blur
    Stocksnap.io

    Let’s go for seconds and soak up all there is to this life,

    Late nights thinking of where to go with a story,

    Early mornings dreading what the day would bring.

    Let’s go for seconds and soak up all there is to this life; the pain, anger, lust, fear, hope and resilience…give me something as long as it’s a serving filled with hope and resilience, and who knows maybe you could whip up some anger for dessert- because there is a certain kind of power that comes with rage, and I need that…something that would consume me enough to destroy me, just to remind me that I am human.

    Give me a strand of compassion, one that I can weave as I please for in this world, we need love and there is plenty of it, but nothing melts the heart as compassion…so save me a strand, just a strand is enough to keep me awake at night and to get me to stop watching the news and losing sleep over how much the ammunition and pharmaceutical industry rakes in every second.

    As light as…if only I had the comparison for this, something that would give my wandering mind some peace, then I’d grab a litre of blueberry ice-cream and watch Beauty and the Beast!

    Snippets

    We smile

    We laugh

    We stare at each other across the room

    You stick out your tongue

    I widen my eyes…still,

    This is how we talk.

    guy man fashion clothing backpack african american bokeh building plants trees street male sunlight clouds

    There’s that dress you want me to wear,

    The red smoking hot one…the guys have got to see that I’ve got the best,

    Are you coming over? I’m in the mood for some beef stew,

    You can make me some epic beef stew right?

    I reply “No, no and no, thank you,”

    You call, you text, you send a friend to check up on me.

    He tells you I am alright.

    You call…ask, “what’s wrong babe?”

    This is how we talk.

    Snippets mess us up. Snippets reveal our expectations.

    Snippets, snippets, snippets.

    This is how we talk.

    Where I stand

    I suck at headlines. Let’s just get that out of the way before we get into what I’d love to share now.

    It’s been a difficult week for me. I have been through emotional wrecks that I could not summon the strength to write about them. On the plus side, I have managed to stick to my journal writing even if we are talking about the phrase ‘good night Jodie.’

    I call my journal, ‘Jodie,’ and she’s a pretty good listener, always willing to soak up ink, tears and stickers…like the bubblegum wrappers that I have been collecting over the years.

    So, amidst my turmoil, my friend, totally high on a mixture of drinks tells me, “you know, for a Counselor, you really need a Therapist, just find out where you stand, like for me, I’m wasted, but I know I am standing outside waiting for a tuk tuk with you…sindiyo!”

    I nodded and helped her get into the tuk tuk, saw her home and tucked her into bed before getting home wondering just how right she was. I was in the midst of chaos and all I needed was some solid ground. I had to figure out where I stood…and of course, being a worrier, the why? would come rushing immediately after.

    • I get up every day and report to work.
    • I get to post on this blog, as often as I feel like it.
    • The Crown of the Sea is finally out, and I have started on the project that I needed to, delving into a book that’s long overdue.
    • Finally done with my medication, and trust me 6 months of medication to clear your lungs is a chore! Bonus points include: Gaining 3kgs and some —.
    • Got the bright colored pencils and sharpener I yearned for. Uchumi may be sinking but bless them for stocking some unique stationery for me 🙂
    • My family’s safe and everyone is doing what they can under their own spotlight. The nephew’s taller and more curious, can you believe he asked me when I am going to have a baby of my own? Like seriously Arch, when are you going to have someone call you mummy? (You should have seen my younger sister choke on her juice, and she never chokes!)
    • Mom’s getting that MA in Literature and I am so asking her to get that PhD! Love her…now you know where my love for books hails from!
    • There’s this book…that is giving me the feels right about now…Love Comes Later by Mohanalakshmi RajakumarLove Comes Later by [Rajakumar, Mohanalakshmi]
    • Setting up a social entrepreneurship project is tough as walking backwards downhill! I am learning the ins and out of customer service and planning….it is taking a toll on me.
    • Fitness is not that scoop of ice-cream, even though I could use some Blueberry ice-cream right about now, I am slowly regretting taking up a bet with Eve on fitness.
    • Got my eye on the road…and when I take off, you’ll get all the updates.
    • It’s great to try out a variety of body products because there is something about Neem, it smells not as great as I’d hoped it would, but it’s alright I guess…and what would I do without the Diva soap!IMG_20170429_155146

    So, where do I stand? I reckon it’s here, but on emotional well being, I am still a little bit fuzzy. I am glad that I am writing and that in between the books I get to sit down and read some great works that inspire me to do even better.

    Happy #LabourDay and do have a wonderful week!