Say You Love Me



“The opposite of love is not hate Mark, it is indifference. When she does not care about anything you do, know you have lost her.”

I wish someone told me of this early enough. I messed up, worse off I got caught. Things have been awful at home. I need to make things work. I need to get her back by all means. I miss my wife. I miss knowing that she thinks about me. I miss holding her in my arms-and even her smile. I have never seen or heard her cry. I guess I am the first one to make her bear so much pain. This has just messed me up and why did she call me? It was just one night of fun and I paid her well. She was not meant to call. Anyway she did so and that’s why Beryl left.

I met Nelson at the court and he told me she wants a divorce. He even showed me what he was drafting-she wanted a clean exit. She did not want to split property or take anything from me; rather she wants to get rid of my last name. I had three shots of Tequila that afternoon as Nelson advised me on what to do. He asked me why she was seeking divorce and I couldn’t tell him. I referred him to his client. Nelson has been my friend for a few years. He was in the same law firm as me before he got promoted to another branch within town. I took up the role of senior partner; word is that he is still doing his best to get there. The man is the best divorce attorney I have ever met in Kenya. He can get his clients the house or the children with just one word! I knew if Beryl went through with the divorce she would win. I love her. I know I messed up and I am doing what I can to get a second chance knowing I would not mess it up.

God how I wish I never went out that night. How I wish that I could go back and set things straight. Some of the guys laughed it off. They could not understand that with Beryl is the gentleness and never ending support that any man would be lucky to have. She is the ideal wife and I messed it up. I am sick of all this silence.

Do you know how we met? It was at a restaurant. She was seated at the table at the far end of the restaurant slowly going through a ladies magazine. I had to update a requisition letter for a client, and needed a place to plug my laptop charger. Her table was the only one located near a plug and I asked if I could join her. It was her smile that blew me away. I did not expect it but she asked me what I was engrossed in. I told her about what I did and she smiled and said, ‘no wonder you look all suited up!’ I must have laughed a while before it hit me that she was leaving. I gave her my card if ever she needed legal advice and she gave me hers saying that if ever I needed to buy a house or an apartment I could call her.

“How about coffee tomorrow evening?”


“Yes, I’d be honored.”

“Name the place and time and I will be there.”

“How about right here?”

“I will see you then Mark, have a wonderful day.”

“You too Beryl.”

I watched her leave before saving her number on my phone list in case I lost her card. I am careless with business cards and my clients know that too. In fact they always laugh about it at the firm that for a lawyer I lose the most vital information. I always retort that it’s better that way clients pay consultation fee!

Credit: Say You Love Me, 2012, Dora Okeyo



Four Books that I loved reading this month

It’s the end of March and I cannot wait to experience another month with at least thirty days. April’s so cool it begins with a holiday! I have come to appreciate different styles of writing from different authors thanks to NetGalley. I have also had more time to edit and keep working on Sifuna before thinking about publishing it.

So, let’s get into my reading list and here are four books that I loved reading this month.

Work Stronger by Pete Leibman. This is a must-read and as I was going through it, I was tempted to recommend it to an employer who believes in longer working hours because well, that’s one sure way of killing productivity.

Eight Simple Rules for Dating a Dragon by Kerrelyn Sparks. I enjoyed this book because I’m a sucker for dragon shifters and romance novels.

Eight Simple Rules for Dating a Dragon: A Novel of the Embraced by [Sparks, Kerrelyn]

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. Oi…I loved reading this book because it’s all Trevor. The tone is very witty and conversational like Trevor and indeed, his mom’s the heroine of this story…but even more so, you can’t help but be inspired by his resilience. PS: If you’d love to read it, it’s on offer today on Amazon. The Kindle version goes for $1.17 that’s $26.83 off! Buy the book, enough with the PDF requests y’all, buy the book, respect the work!

Born A Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by [Noah, Trevor]


Private Lies by Cynthia St. Aubin. When Avery’s mom goes missing on her graduation day, she definitely knows something’s off. Her mom’s a Private Investigator and Avery finds herself asking questions that lead her to places she never thought she’d be. I loved this because Avery is the Queen of clap-backs here.

I’ve got a couple more titles to read in April and I’d admit that I am looking forward to being on the road more and to definitely buying quite a number of books for my home library.

Have a wonderful Easter holiday break wherever you are.

What are you waiting for?

There is a certain kind of waiting where the world does not understand your inaction.

What are you waiting for?

What are you doing with your life?

What are your plans?

Where do you see yourself in five years?

It’s almost as if the answer you give could slowly drain away your inactivity and suddenly put you on the stage of “doing something” or “being something.”

What’s your status?

I found myself talking to a fourteen year old girl. Her mom met me and she said, “would you please make her understand that she’s got to work hard if she wants to make it in life?” The girl looked away and then kept her eyes on the ground as though the earth knew her better than anyone did.

Who are you when the world turns their back?

I wanted to ask her what her mom was frustrated at but instead I found myself saying “take your time, you have one life and whatever you choose to do with it, you’ve got to own up to the consequences. It’s not about who makes it first, but that when you get to a place, you are certain that you put the effort in getting there.”

I turned to her Mom and smiled and said, “Do not worry Mama. She’ll get there and sometimes, we push so hard that we push them to their fall. Let her decide knowing that you have done your best to support her. You know a wheelbarrow can only go as far as you push it right? Well, she’s human, don’t push so much that you lose your breath and she topples over.”

“Thank you, but I will give her your number so you can keep encouraging her. It’s a tough world and you know she is your little sister, eh?”

“Okay Mama, I’ll do what I can.”

There is a certain kind of waiting, where the world does not understand your inaction. Where you are reduced to the number of likes and comments you get for posting a picture of you and your child eating out. Measuring the likes and comments as though they are the approval ratings forgetting that you had to take ten pictures before your child could smile but you never asked why. They sit beside you, walk where you say they should, all the while their minds are at war…fighting endless battles just to gain your approval.

A friend asked me, “What are you doing with your life?”

I thought of responding with the bio on my LinkedIn profile but I said “living it the best way I can,” and she laughed and said, “how can you do that? Life is so expensive!”

“Life is precious because it’s granted to us once. It’s not expensive because you cannot calculate how much your life costs, but the things we think we need around us to keep us happy, now those are expensive!”

She let out a sigh and said “You know, you can really preach, but I did not call to get a sermon. I was just checking up on you. Bye.”

There is a certain kind of waiting, where the world does not understand your inaction.

So, you wake up and do the same things over and over again.

The Versatile Blogger Award

I woke up this morning and as I was reading through my emails, I came across this nomination. Thank you for nominating me and y’all check out his awesome blog: Sidebar Books Blog

The Versatile Blogger Award was created to feature and recognize blogs that have unique content, high quality of writing, and fantastic photos. As the web-page about the Versatile Blogger Award says: Honor those bloggers who bring something special to your life whether every day or only now and then.

Here are the rules of The Versatile Blogger Award:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and share a link to their blog.
  2. Nominate 15 superb bloggers for the award.
  3. Talk about seven interesting facts about yourself, which your fellow bloggers will love to know about you.

So, let me start off by nominating superb bloggers and I’ll leave two slots open for anyone awesome blogger to climb aboard:

Seven Interesting facts about me:

  1. I can read a 300 page book undisturbed in 45 minutes.
  2. I wake up at 2 a.m. every day to write for either an hour or sometimes, I reach out for my eReader and catch up on a book I was reading.
  3. I’m all about positivity and when it comes to reviewing books, I rarely give a 2-star rating because I believe that the Writer took time, was courageous enough to live out their idea in a story all through to publication…and more often than not, that deserves more than a two star rating.
  4. Coffee is my friend.
  5. Chocolate cake’s my friend too. Whenever we meet, she blends well with coffee and I am often guaranteed a treat.
  6. I’m a sucker for romance novels. If it’s about shifters and dragons to be specific, I’m all in I tell you.
  7. Cooking especially frying food is just my treat. Whenever household shopping is involved, cooking oil is always at the top of the list!

So, that’s it, have a great week ahead!


I am falling. No, it’s neither in love nor asleep, but into a black hole. I have always known that I would have to write about myself.

Now that I have to, I fear that whatever it is I write, nothing may be as virtual as I would like it to be.

Someone once said that there is no line between fiction and non-fiction, the only difference is three letters ‘non.’ I have thought about this for twelve years. Truth is when I write it is never for anyone, but myself. Some stories have been to free myself of a guilty conscience while others to free others of theirs.

In essence it all boils down to me. I choose who lives and who dies, not when but just how. I leave the ‘why’ to you who’s reading this right now. So, if you could meet me for coffee and ask me one question, what would it be? What would you want to know about me? On the other hand, if I were to meet you for coffee and ask you one question, it would be ‘would you like to go for a walk with me?’ I learned this from my Grandmother. She told me, anyone willing to walk with you is worthy of your time. I did not understand the depth of her wisdom then. A friend once told me that life is never ending. He said this at his grand father’s funeral where we stood by him lulled by the wailing and the eulogies. He smiled and said he was glad the old man got some rest because dialysis was killing him. The thought that tubes went in and out of him broke his spirit more than the fact that the process was extending his life. He just stood there and said that life never ended. He said that one is born out of two people, lives, dies and moves onto the after-life.

What he could not bring himself to admit was that life only ended if whoever died never created any memories with those he/she left behind. And that’s why I want to live, such that generations to come will know about me, and I am glad that in Kenya, generations name their newborn after those who are long gone. Talk of a sure way to ensure reincarnation, and Romeo had the audacity to ask “what’s in a name?” And there are some things that I will never say, not out loud, and not even at my deathbed. The moment you think, ‘I have to share this with someone,’ it becomes a confession- words spoken in the hope of being understood and forgiven, but none of it makes sense.

Truth is most of them are memories they wish to realize again and again.

Excerpt from Memories. Published on August 29, 2013 on Smashwords.

Updates on the writing life

Hello Friday! I have been looking forward to this day for two reasons:

  1. I finally get to share the second issue of Nilichoandika magazine.
  2. I can sit back and work on the draft I’ve written this week.

Writing has been a thrill, but what’s been better has been listening to new music albums and reading books. I haven’t stopped listening to three albums:

I have indulged some awesome books this week and from a funeral director, to an Assistant District Attorney, a well renowned Pastor, let’s just say that my week’s bee interesting.

Here’s to a lovely weekend and as I raved on about earlier, grab your free copy of the second issue of the magazine. Nilichoandika