“To each their own.”
You said it. I nodded.
It’s what I do best. I nod. I say “no worries” and watch you.
“So, do you drink?”
“Yes, I love coffee,” I said. You laughed, shook your head and said, “do you take alcohol?”
“Well, I do once in a while when I’m in the company of my friends. When we are celebrating.”
We attended your friend’s birthday party and I found myself doing what I do best at parties- disappearing.
Just one Hun. I smiled and kissed you on your cheek. “Go and have fun.”
It was a delight. Watching you. Not being at the party. It always delights me that I can see in you what I choose to. You often say “don’t overthink, it’s not good for the kids.”
Your friends immediately turn their gaze to my stomach. Too flat. What kids? Are you having kids? Congratulations! Boss! You finally did it!
“No, we are not having kids. It’s just something we tell each other, you know like you tell your wife you love her and stuff like that, isn’t it right hun?”
“Yeah, no kids here people!”
We laugh. You laugh with your soul. I laugh with my heart, we’ve never laughed with both but you know we will, I see it in how you struggle to let me in.
One drink. When I settle to a cup of coffee before going to bed, you reach out for one drink. You call and say “I just wanted to hear your voice.”
We talk about an episode you saw on National Geographic. You say you are worried about your Dad. He’s not himself. You wonder where I’d be if you attained his age. You ask me about home, the work I’m doing and you sip your drink. Each word I utter is washed down with a sip and you say “It gets lonely, this world I mean.”
I do not overthink our conversation. I do not overthink what I feel and I spit it out. When I’m done you say “I see…and you know what, it’s one of the things I would always love about you. You say it as it is and sometimes, I wonder what you are doing with a guy like me.”
Well, honey, sometimes I think of how I’m going to write a story that it slips my mind.