On Writing

I have been held captive for years in my writing. There is always this burning desire to achieve literary merit. I want to write a storm, to unravel a mystery using twenty six letters of an alphabet that I was taught for sixteen years. Fifty thousand words, a cover image, immense praise and mega sales of a bunch of twenty six letters.

I have been here long enough.

I do not hold a candle to Mandela but all these years have me coming back to the same place that torments me; constantly telling me that I am not good enough or African enough.

Isn’t it sad that humans struggle to be enough when they are more than enough?

Maybe I could relocate to another country, write about my experience there and then it’d be this African author in a foreign country, but I am too proud to attempt that. I’ll miss royco, trips to Kibuye market, matatu rides and being around people of the same skin color as me. I’d give a lot for great and fast internet connection, no pot-holes, concerts but then I’d miss out on never having to be the object of stares, and frankly speaking, Fanta Orange tastes awesome only in Kenya. I tried that and it back fired so I’ll build a fortress here and use the words I know, the lyrics that come close to my heart to keep these prison walls from closing in.

I am half in, half out.

Every time a story unravels in me, I return to this prison, these walls choke me into either misery or bliss depending on which path I choose. They close in and when I come up for air. A star is enough to send me back under, five stars, a mile high up.

I am half out today. I need to see the world beyond these walls that I’ve built for myself and in so doing, I’ll admit that I am a repeat offender because come dusk, I’ll be back within these walls wondering if my stories are African enough…and the best part is knowing that I am both the prisoner, the warden and the law…I only have to embrace one role.

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4 thoughts on “On Writing”

  1. OH MY GODDD!!! 😍😍 I don’t what I felt but DAMN!!!! This was……ughhhhh……YOU WRITE MOST BEAUTIFULLY, HONEY! DON’T STOP. And you know what? All those mega sales are ON YOUR WAY. You just sit on your throne of ink and passionate words and WATCH YOUR WISHES COME TRUE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES…

    😍😍😍😍LOOVED IT. ❤❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Living most of my life in western America, I am used to seeing all types of skin color. Right now though, I reside in the southern area where skin color is divided by location. I miss the variety.

    Like you, I do hide behind the walls of my home. Although transportation is somewhat of a problem for me, I could get out more but, instead, I cling to home.

    Liked by 1 person

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