To illuminate a dark night

Life has its moments. Sometimes you are as bright as Venus but you are also enveloped by darkness. There are also some times when a spark comes along and ignites you, and slowly you start to illuminate a dark night.

Have you ever had the feeling that you could suddenly do something that you felt you’d never do?

I am talking about a small tingly feeling like “you’ve always got this” going on in your head.

As I write this I am humbled and in awe of mothers; single, married, engaged, divorced, separated, step-mothers, widows, baby mamas. It is an uphill task bringing forth another being into the world and pouring all the love and attention to them.

I also confer honor to fathers; single, married, divorced, separated, widowers, uncertain, serving time.

A spark’s been lit in me and for some reason I find myself questioning every time I put myself down. It is this bright orange spark that is bound to ignite a fire that I fear I would be unable to put out. I’ve compiled a collection of memories, thoughts, and written to my future daughter,things I’d love her to know. I even wrote a letter to her Dear Aurora but where am I going with this. The feeling that I could actually settle down scares me witless! (Replace the w with sh and you get my drift!)

Is it because I have had too much time on my hands since resigning from my job? Is it because I am writing at a leisurely pace that I can suddenly think of the unorthodox? Or maybe it’s all thanks to Hannah Doyle’s book “The Year of Saying Yes.” I read it this weekend and it’s about this feature writer at a magazine who says that instead of writing new year resolutions of things she would not do, she would start saying ‘yes’ to stuff and hence a dare game begins!

Well, one major thing is that I got accepted into the 20th YALI (Young African Leaders Initiative) cohort this year and I cannot wait to gain some much needed expertise and knowledge in Civic leadership and engagement. I have always wanted to take on a life-long project but for four years I’ve been swayed by responsibilities, bills, wanderlust, yearning for experience and the need to be more confident that I never saw it build up. I am looking forward to a great start, baby steps, just…baby steps!

I was going somewhere with this and it seems as though I have gone past my destination. Does this spark scare me? Does the thought of actually being great and embracing this new feeling scare me? A whole lot! I haven’t even had coffee! Coffee is bae and I haven’t been able to take one sip. There’s this phrase “do what scares you,” and for some reason this is the moment when it would fit a situation.

So, for what it’s worth, now I know how a candle feels as it gives light…and ladies and gentlemen, you have secured front row seats to a freak show!

Have a lovely week!

 

8 thoughts on “To illuminate a dark night

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